SLGG

My youngest has a knack being a DJ. Every morning when we drive her to school, that 17 minutes is filled by math problems, state capitals, and her music du jour that she picks from YouTube and plays through the Bluetooth. Most days, it is Ed Sheeran, Skynrd, or this time of year, “Christmas in Hollis” by RUN DMC. For a 9 year old, she has very diverse taste.

Last Thursday was my 46th birthday. After pulling onto the road to school, being the sweet daughter she is, she decided to search for birthday songs on YouTube…and settled upon 50 Cent’s “In Da Club”…

I think I’ve heard this bass before… “Go, go, go, go go, go, go, shawty
It’s your birthday“.

I’m smiling, thinking how great she is for playing this for me.

“We gon’ party like it’s yo birthday
We gon’ sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday”….ut oh….and then it went South from there and she and I belatedly figured out that my parental controls on YouTube aren’t set properly. We moved on to the Beatles’ “Happy Birthday” quickly.

But it’s true, it doesn’t matter the age, you strut a little more, stand a little taller, and think a little more millennial-like on your birthday. All of the calls, messages, visits, and the smiles on my kid’s faces made me feel great last Thursday. Birthdays are truly YOUR day, and YOU should be the focus. Which is hilarious since it is just an arbitrary number and you likely share your birthday currently with over 20 million people worldwide.

I used to be really grumpy on my birthday, even downright gloomy. After the mid-20s, I saw the progression of my own time as a march toward old age, frailty, and bad news. How had I missed a chance to do X by a certain age (whatever that X may be)? I fell into a trap of thinking older meant worse, instead of how it really is–seasoned by knowledge, experience, and time.

But that has changed due to a few things.

One is the example of my Dad–now at age 70, he appears to be enjoying life more than he ever has, and he has always been mega-positive. He is working hard still, and making a huge difference for his kids, grandkids, and those he meets daily. Time has given him the cognition that as the Good Book says “this is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it (Psalms 118)” and Dad lives that way.

Another is that I’m beginning to realize that I should treat everyday like a birthday. In a sense, everyday is a new day, and it’s all that you are promised. Why not walk taller? Why not smile and laugh a little easier?

Enjoy it! You should be fired up to breathe air, enjoy your family and friends, and take stock of where you are in life. You don’t waste time on your birthday. You don’t get frustrated about small things. You focus on how to make a difference and look ahead to a positive future. Why not do that everyday?

We are only given a short amount of time here, so…go shawty it’s your birthday.

Jim

Salt, Light, Grace & Grit

I guess I’ll start by saying that these views are only mine. I wasn’t going to make a big deal about Veterans Day or write about it at all, and then I took my daughter to school this morning. And I got choked up.

I saw this.

The walkway was lined with small, plastic American flags. It must have taken an enormous amount of time to setup all of those flags. As I walked her up, I saw a friend greeting the kids in his flight suit–and we gave each other a “hey brother” hug. He was going to talk to the classes about Veterans Day. He is a great guy to do it.

I got back to my car for the drive home and teared up. I got a message from my Dad, an Uncle, my son, a neighbor, a teacher and my sisters all saying Happy Veterans Day within minutes. That support is not just lip service, but people who have had my family’s back all the way along.

Unfortunately, “thanks for your service” comment while well intentioned, has become a space-filler for “I really don’t know what to say”. Kind of a “bless your heart” for being in the military. A great mentor of mine, Colonel Odie Oates, said that the response he came around to is “it is an honor and privilege.” And this rings particularly true today.

I’ll also suggest instead of saying “thanks for your service” and moving on to instead take 1 minute, and ask “what did you do?” or “where were you stationed?” or anything to engage them as a person and show that their service was appreciated.

I was in the AF, which was indeed country club living many times over compared with what those in FOBs, nuke subs, and the isolated desert of Fort Bragg 😀 had to put up with, but I have a couple of thoughts about Veteran’s day–

1. The amount of talent, effort, and selflessness found in the military is unimaginable to someone from the outside. But we don’t/didn’t do it because of undying patriotism or a ridiculous penchant for pain, but rather you did it for the person next to you. If they were gonna give 100% and lay it all out there, you better do the same.

2. Nobody cared when you entered the military what your last name was, who your parents worked for, or what car you drove. All peripheral garbage.

They cared if you were willing to stick your neck out for them, do the right thing, and push yourself to the limit. I think this is the biggest reason for the bonding that takes place amongst military veterans. There are no ulterior motives–it’s just get the job done, and let’s go home.

3. The military is the 2nd best thing that I ever did, without a doubt. The unbelievable opportunities, the adventure, the sense of purpose—but most of all the PEOPLE–the big secret about the whole thing is that we all received so much more than we gave.

Parents, please consider encouraging your kids to at least look at joining. They likely won’t be millionaires, but their wealth will lie in their friendships, experiences, and sense of purpose. And if you are wondering, my family is the #1 best thing I’ve done.

4. Military kids are awesome. They get put through the ringer, but are raised in a culture based on selflessness and sacrifice. It is tough and there are challenges for them, but we always enjoying watching military kids get together and seeing that bond. In all of 3 seconds, they break into some game where everybody is included, regardless if they have known them for 10 years or just met.

5. 22 a day. That’s how many US veterans commit suicide every day. 22 A DAY. I think it happens because they were involved with something bigger than themselves, with a built in support group going through the same thing. Then they get out, have no common bond, no sense of a bigger purpose, and are left wondering what is in front of them. They then think that what is in the rearview is so much better than what is in front of them. And they despair. Pray for them. Help them. Be honest…this is a tragedy. We undervalue and underutilize our vets.

6. The reason I got choked up this morning looking at all those plastic little flags (made in China probably), is the fact that this Country is so great. It has many many flaws, and some really ridiculous personalities at or near the top, but there is a counterbalance to that. I think it is the extremely diverse group of men and women who have signed up to FIGHT for the freedom of my kids.

They come from everywhere and all have different reasons for doing it, but they put their name on the line and said “whatever you want me to do–I’m in!” I’m so proud to be amongst people that would make that choice. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. So indeed, like Odie wisely said “it has been an honor and a privilege.”

Happy Veterans Day indeed.

It started for me in Philly, June 2017. My knees were sore, so instead of running (slow jogging) I started walking. Long walks, listening to podcasts and enjoying whatever the city had to offer.

At that slower pace, I’d look around and think. This particular morning was beautiful, and I was excited about getting out and exploring the great city of Philadelphia.

Then I saw it…and I saw it everywhere. They were on the sidewalk, benches, on the stairs that Rocky ran up. Cardboard, newspapers, rundown tents & tarps, old sleeping bags, no sleeping bags–just laying out in the morning sun. To group them as “Homeless” seemed a misnomer. They had a home, and they might still. Now, jackhammers were making way for new sidewalks as they slept and construction cranes twirl above with progress while they wandered along the street on the street…unprotected, lost, most likely scared and lonely.

And you know what I did? I walked by. “No sir”, I said looking into the haunted eyes of another human being, “I can’t help you.” One of God’s children. Someone whose parents rejoiced on the day they were born and had the highest hopes for. I had money in my wallet, new shoes on my feet, and so many blessings from God, but I couldn’t possibly be bothered to help.

I can’t help you—–but I COULD help you, and I SHOULD help you, I just have no clue how to do so in the right way. So I don’t. And you stay on the street. Take the “Good” out of the Samaritan story and there I am.

In this 24/7 world crammed onto us about macro problems, we worry about things we can’t control. Who the President is in a Twitter fight with….”Climate Change”…will the Dawgs ever beat Saban…But we have these problems on the micro and individual level that we could solve, and just don’t. Individuals that we could help one-by-one and don’t. People, with dreams and souls, and we pass them by as if they are less. They aren’t.

I’ve been all over the world, and seen them begging. Little kids–begging for pocket change for food. In Delhi, Bangkok, Lima, Entebbe, Toronto….but today I see them again in Nashville, Portland, Minneapolis, and Atlanta.

I see it, and it is getting worse. And what do I do? just keep walking and passing them by. No sir, I can’t help. The American economy is roaring. There is new construction and more “Help Wanted” signs than you can count in every city, and they are still there. Lost, hungry, and lonely.

And all I can do is write about it. Pathetic.

Anybody got any answers?

https://youtu.be/jQazOIZxZGo

Trying to be Salt, Light, with Grace & Grit.

August 5, 1999

Every minute, of every day, your life changes.

But there are some minutes and days that are more life changing than others. God has these great moments planned for us–all while we are trying to make plans for God. I’m positive that he gets a great big belly laugh at our self-centered universe view–all while knowing (he’s omnipotent you know) that we all play some part in HIS plan. I imagine God as the most excited (and important) guest at a really great surprise birthday party–he just can’t wait to shout out “SURPRISE!!!!”, pop the streamers, blow his heart out on the kazoo, and have a huge chuckle at the recipient that just walked through the door.

I get the feeling he has great excitement watching the ripples of his plans too. Moments, days, years, and generations reverberate from one moment that God places in our path. We stumble through every day never knowing when that next dramatic shift might be.

August 5, 1999 was the without doubt THE most momentous day in my 45 years. Everything changed. It started unsurprisingly with no change by drinking beer and eating greasy cheeseburgers at a place appropriately called “Cold Beer and Cheeseburgers”. It was a mainstay dive bar on Colonel John Glenn Highway, just outside Wright-Patterson AFB, OH. Not sure if you can get more down-home American than that. So, I’m there with my roommate from college and his wife imbibing on the delicacies du jour, and this tall, pretty brunette walks in the door, wearing a short sleeve denim shirt (see the late 90s attire guide) and khaki shorts. That Yankee girl from New Hampshire met an oafish, Foghorn Leghorn-sounding Momma’s boy over a double with cheese. The rest of the details for that evening are long debated (and truthfully a little foggy thanks to Anheuser-Busch and Colonel James B. Beam), but one thing did happen–we became inseparable. We just clicked.

As the late, great, Georgia Bulldawg announcer, Larry Munson, once roared “He was blindsided by someone he did not see!!!”

God was yelling “SURPRISE!!!” at the top of his lungs. That collision course moment has now produced 20 years of laughs and 4 kids with huge hearts, big smiles, and questionable senses of humor. Together we have been part of amazing teams and organizations, travelled to places we’ve never dreamed we’d go, and seen miracles happen right before our eyes. Not to mention the countless times we both wondered what the hell we got ourselves into.

We’ve seen each other at our best and powered through seeing the other, and our relationship, at our worst. We ain’t perfect. We are both stubborn as mules, and both have flash points that the other tip-toes around with Baryshnikovian-skill. Our kids have unfortunately been witnesses to some real barnburners.

She constantly over-volunteers. I MAY on occasion engage my vocal abilities before my brain kicks in. We both have many, many more flaws than I care to delve into here–We will save that for someone that makes $250 an hour to listen to problems.

But we work at it. Anyone that says marriage isn’t hard is just a straight up liar. It took 20 years, but yesterday for the first time we cleaned out a portion of our garage without either of us threatening the other with a nasty divorce and bodily harm. It was 99% civil. Spud sometimes thinks our fairytale was written by the Brother Very Grimm.

All that to say, we started with a moment, but hard work, forgiveness, love, and God’s grace have gotten us twenty years down the road, and we are way better together than we would have been apart.

I’m so thankful that God saw fit to introduce me to my bride twenty years ago today. And thankful for everyday since. It was a wonderful surprise.

What does he have in store for all of us today and tomorrow? I hope you are looking forward to the roller coaster ride that is the future–enjoy it, it is the only ride we get.

Love you Spud.

Jim

Salt, Light, Grace & Grit

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx5ej00hCMfylUztyyGJF1z6–QLWHswg6m7Yc0/?igshid=mjlbubfif9t2